Archive for the ‘the past’ Category
August 19, 2005
well, i’m still sick as hell. last night we went out with g’s friends mark & cathy, and barry & colin to a nice restaurant called Moxie’s, and I spend 1/2 of the dinner in the bathroom throwing up. i felt better after i got sick, so we ended up going to diegos for drinks and dancing. Here’s the pics from Diego’s
poor barry, being the nice guy he is, he was our designated driver for the evening (and the only one with a car) and on the way home he got pulled over for speeding and got a ticket 
today me and gareth took a bus into victoria and went to his work for about 2 hours, then we went into the mall to get something to eat. I went to New York Fries, the best damn place in the world, all they serve is french fries covered in stuff. I got Poutine, which is french fries, cheese curds, and a beef-like gravy. I ended up puking that up about 1/2 hour later though I was miserable on the busride back, G’s taking good care of me, he’s been pampering me while I’ve been sick, and even brought me flowers 
August 18, 2005
well, during my visit to canada, i have got a bad case of strep throat, an ear infection, and a sinus infection…:( Gareth’s mom took me to a clinic yesterday morning (thanks Deb) and i’ve been laying on the couch for 2 days now, hopefully i’ll start being able to swallow soon! Gareth and I decided that it would be good if I stayed here longer, so I have extended my trip until Aug. 29th. I’ll have to have phone consultations with my doctors, and my parents have agreed to keep Mikey for me while I’m here. I feel like total ass but I think its getting better after taking the penicillan for the last 2 days.
August 15, 2005
Gareth, Barry, Colin and me went to Fort Rodd Hill today in Victoria, BC to see the lighthouse, it was so pretty, and we got some cute pics!
July 30, 2005
This morning I woke up early and went fishing with my dad. Well, technically not “fishing,” but my dad baited some bank poles last night and we went at 6am to check the poles for flathead catfish in the Rock River. We ended up getting 5 altogether and my dad filleted them to grill later
July 29, 2005
I got to spend the day with my girls, Emily and Camryn. We went to the pool in the afternoon, then to buy some school clothes, then we went to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I feel whole when I’m with them, they are such a huge part of my life, and being without them a piece of me is missing. It is definently the mother in me wanting to be near the children that I’ve raised. I wonder what my future holds, if I’m going to be able to have children of my own. I know that I will be able to love a child like my own even if it wasn’t from me, those girls have shown me what unconditional love is really about.
July 22, 2005
i’m going through some embarrassing days. i’m not used to feeling weakness, i’ve always been everybody else’s rock, and now i’m the one at the bottom. i’m struggling admitting to myself that its okay to feel this, but its something i’m not used to. i’ve always been able to deal with whatever life hands me, and about 10 other peoples’ burdens as well. also, i’ve pushed aside some symptoms that i should have addressed about a year ago. i’m finally taking some time out for me, needing to miss some work to make that happen (which I can’t afford to do), and getting some help.
July 20, 2005
today at lunch, i was excited to open my fortune cookie. i’ve been having a bad battle with depression, trying to figure things out, get my life back in order. somehow thinking a statement from a fortune cookie would help me understand my future *shrug* so i open my fortune cookie, and….nothing. no fortune inside. what does that mean? i asked the waiter what it meant, and he looked at me, and went and got me another one. ok, so i thought, i’ll give it another try.
“Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst”
enough said. fortune cookies can go fuck themselves.
July 20, 2005
What was I doing 10 years ago: graduating high school, trying to figure out what i want to do for the rest of my life, praying to find a great love
5 years ago: living with my ex in a 2 bedroom apartment, working for a mortgage loan company, bought my car
1 year ago: married, living in my house with my step-daughters and my dog mikey, working at my current job
Yesterday: just trying to make it through the day
Snacks I enjoy: strawberry licorice, taquitos with sour cream, m&m’s, nachos at 3am from room service, crab ragoon from chinese vendor outside the club
songs I know all the words to: Baby Got Back, Ice Ice Baby, anything Sarah McLachlan, Never is a promise, um i’m sure alot more
Things I would do with a $100 million: $1 split between every co-worker so they can get the hell out, build a nice house with a pool & grotto like the Playboy mansion, start a small film company making documentary of average people, buy 500 acres of land and build a house for my family members, travel with the rest of the money and every homeless person would get $10,000 that was nice to me and didn’t bug me for anything
Locations I would like to run away to: Las Vegas, Egypt, Paris, Greece, Spain
Bad habits I have: smoking, eating sugar, self conscience, lack of motivation, not sleeping enough
smells I Like: first burst of air conditioning i start my car, the way my mom smells, new tires, dry erase markers, sex
Things I like doing: traveling, kissing, singing in the shower,
Things I would never wear: open toe granny sandal’s, a dickey, bikini, tube top
TV shows I like: CSI, Aqua Teen, Days of our Lives, Oprah, Andy Milonakis
Biggest joys of the moment: talking to Gareth, the fact that i have a job and i’m supporting myself, my dog, smoking this cigarette, my parents
Favorite toys: dvd burner, webcam, bullet, cellphone, dvd player
July 19, 2005
have you ever felt the moment when your heart feels like it just fell through the back of your chest, and now there’s just a hole. yeah. its kinda like that.
my heart is having an out of body experience, doing a self survey on its feelings. its been free and able to ride the “andrea express,” trying to keep up the whole time, unsure of what to feel around the next corner. how much can one’s heart take before it de-rails?
when i feel disappointment, anger, frustration, deception, dishonesty, mistrust, resentment and sadness, not only does it bring me down, but i beat myself up for getting into that position to even feel that way. i build a wall to protect from it happening again. if i let down my guard, and it happens a second time, i’ve completely disappointed myself, and feel like a failure. its self torture from other’s actions upon me. double wammy.
the only coping mechanism i’ve ever had to fix this problem, unfortunately, is to try and fix the situation by trying to overcome my fears and put myself out there again. i’m a fixer, helper, lover, comforter. i could never hurt anyone, which is why i’m so vulnerable to get hurt.
July 17, 2005
my brother and sister-in-law came into town this weekend from Nebraska. Its been a since memorial day since they were here. my sister-in-law (J) loves to go swimming, so I managed to get the day off and we went to the pool with my mom. the temp outside was about 102 degrees, but being in the pool you couldn’t tell how hot it really was. i put on sunblock before we got in the pool, but it didn’t help.
my nephew (baxter the dog) came along with Jeremy and J. Bax is a kerry blue terrior, he’s really sweet and loves to give me kisses behind my ears. my dad cracks me up whenever baxter is around, 
he ties his fluff of hair in front of his eyes back so baxter can see, i think it drives my dad crazy! i bought a dozen ears of sweet corn at a roadside stand, so i thought it would be a good time to cook it up, dad and i shucked the corn and he cust it off the ear for me since i HATE getting the hairs between my teeth from eating corn on the cob.
